Okay, I admit it. I wish I had a little bit more of a following for this blog. I was going to install one of those little gadgets where it tells you about how many followers you have and it said 21 followers, so I got all excited because most of them are strangers. But then when I actually _added_ the application, all I got was a big fat zero.
I thought maybe a way to remedy this situation, which is obviously gnawing at the most insecure parts of me that puts a lot of effort and bitterness into this thing, was to take a look at the "blogs of note" to see what made them so damn special.
Today's blog of note was a series of name-dropping of NYC restaurant and fashion sites with corresponding links. "Okay," I thought, "I mean I guess that's useful, if slightly pretentious. And it did take awhile to embed all those hyperlinks."
Still, I had higher expectations for the next one, which was about a girl's dog's political views. "That could be interesting," I thought. "I mean, what does the political world look like if you are only 3 feet tall and like to hump things?" Well, apparently the political world looks as dull and pedantic as the dog's owner. After reading a couple paragrahs about how people need to buy less during the recession (no shit, Fido) I was left with the impression that my own dogs could probably write more interesting blogs by stepping on my keyboard and then licking themselves.
I gave it one more try with the next. The next blog started with a staggering description of how a small rust stain in a white sink had begun to spread like a antibiotic-resistant bacterial infection (that was my description btw, nothing that poetic was in this particular "blog of note") and then how her prodigious 8-year-old tried to fix it. And failed.
You know what? Your eight-year-old can't even make it as a plumber. And your blog is lame.
At that point, I just gave up.
Screw you blogger. I think this whole "blogs of note" thing is completely rigged. I am not blogging for artistic value. I am blogging for popularity and appreciation and it's high time I get some, before I have to go out and create a bunch of fake accounts to get followers.
Not that I need your approval or anything.
But please like me. Pretty please?
Can I Get A Witness?
1 week ago