Wednesday, January 14, 2009


I wish that people would always remember to shut the gate or door behind them. This is partly to stop letting things escape (like my dog Magda who loves to run wild at the slightest hint of freedom), but also to keep me protected, inside.

I don't do well when doors aren't fully closed behind people when I've made it clear I NEED them to be. I don't react well to letters out of the blue from old boyfriends you've stopped talking to because they once hurt you like you thought no one ever could. I don't need to hear the secretary's chatter after a visitor to my office leaves. The bedroom door must stay closed because that's a way to save myself if there's a fire. The bathroom door stays shut because ... well, for obvious reasons when you live in a small apartment.

I just need closure of gates and doors and that's really all I wanted today. I'm a little sorrowful, and I'd like to weep behind them.


figment said...

oh how we love to leave those windows and doors open a crack. i think i hate it, but doesn't everyone try to do it here in there. just in case you decide down the road you want to slip a smoke signal through someone's bedroom window... or in the secret hopes of getting one in return. the problem is, they rarely do any good. make that never.

so what's with this "following" business? and how do i sign up?

Rachel Tamed said...

I hope that you find something really comforting today that makes you feel safe and in control. i suggest either mashed potatoes or Ambien.

I hate that feeling that I am at the whim of others, even when it concerns something as simple as a gate being closed. We both know by now that counting on other people is...well...shit. And it is hard to come to terms with that.

Take a deep breath...the safety you seek is not something anyone else can provide you.