Of the Different Modes of Acquiring the Non-Understanding of Things, or One Girl's Touching Journey Into Cynicism and Misanthropy
Friday, March 14, 2008
If good people are the people I had to deal with today, I have now made the decision to turn my back and be wicked. Wickedly compassionate, wickedly outspoken, wickedly graceful, wickedly bitchy, just lovely wicked all around. Because sometimes a girl just has to be wicked in order to keep from going insane by becoming convinced she has now landed in the middle of a Kafka novel. If I wrote a book about this whole stupid thing, it would be pure wickedness. And disappointment that no matter how much I was hoping this clinic would be rewarding, when people decide they don't like you it absolutely does not matter how hard you try. You're just wicked.
Wickedness is a myth invented by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others." ~Oscar Wilde
I think curiously attractive fits me as well as Wicked. And despite it all reminds me that as of today I am wickedly leaving behind any sense of obligation to people who aren't curiously attractive enough to be wicked.
One of my colleagues pointed out that clinic people always have issues with big firm people because they label us as cold and capitalist, and they're pissed that people are actually happy working for the big man, making money, and still finding their jobs rewarding. I don't know if I think that's true - but I have noticed everyone has only started freaking out once they found out I am working at my firm (which my clinic director has had no problem telling me in the past she despises).
I also know for two months my co-counsel kept mispronouncing my client's name despite me trying to correct him before conference calls. And he told me he can handle all the calls because he "knows how to talk to black people." Let's just hope it's not with contempt. And they think I'm really awful. Hm. Perhaps I should leave him a phonetic guide now that I'm no longer on the case. Or maybe not.
I may not always be kind and considerate. At times, particularly when people are being unfair to me or others, I am imperious and defensive. I think being a litigator requires these skills anyway. But I'm honest, I'm noble, I'm true, and I will forever be passionately wicked.
Evil cackle. Six weeks to go and then I'm free! Life looks good again.
Crunching conundrums, blasting boredom, eliciting criticism, languishing while laughing, blaming poetry (and/or the lack of) for all of my choices, leaving it to the stars or the people better equipped to handle it, cackling at catastrophe and saying sayanora to sourpusses and sore losers