Saturday, March 14, 2009


Dear Geeks,

It has recently come to my attention that many of you think it an extraordinarily clever thing to label March 14th as "Pi Day." This has made it into countless facebook stati. There have even been some of you clever enough to have made pies, even though even a blind person reading brail can tell you there's 33.3~% more letters in pie, so it's not the same thing at all and if you want to bake a pie just make one. No one actually cares why you made it. They're just nodding so you will give them another slice.

I am surprised that given your apparent mathematical acuity, this need for precision escapes you. I, my friends, am infinite. That is my glory. I stretch and stretch and there's even some math bee out in the Midwest where home-schooled kids can come and vie to be the cowlicked child who can remember the most numbers after the decimal. And none of them have really done it justice, because I think they only have a maximum of three days to get all the numbers they can remember out. A true winner would still be chanting all my digits as we speak. But then he would die so ... there's really not a lot of point to those things anyway. Except keeping home-schooled kids away from drugs. And, more importantly, other non-home-schooled kids.

Anyway, back on point. Let me show you something. 3/14. There's a slash there. No decimals. Even if I indulge you and put the decimal in to be nice, it still looks like this. 3.14. Three~measly~numbers. Is that infinity? I don't think so.

Please stop publicizing these gross characterizations of me being the same as a date. Also, the calendar is Roman and am Greek. And 3 and 1 and 4 are Arabic numbers. I am not sure in what way you could offend me more. I hope you will be more considerate of my feelings in the future.



Kurt said...

Bitch-assed Mathematical constant. I'm totally hanging with Avogadro's Number from now on. At least HE has a sense of humor.

That Baldy Fella said...

Plus, for us English types, yesterday was 14/3 so it really makes no sense whatsoever

Some Girl said...

Does that mean you're going to make me a pie, now?

Prosy said...

Have you seen all those math geeks with pi tattooed on their wrists (or biceps if they're more macho)?