Of the Different Modes of Acquiring the Non-Understanding of Things, or One Girl's Touching Journey Into Cynicism and Misanthropy
Friday, February 29, 2008
Despite the story, I'm totally going to try this. Besides, if it doesn't work, it sounds like I will be having a lot of fun hallucinations.
A Miracle cure?
Laviaia Ritkess, a healer in Los Angeles, has been given a recipe for what seems to be a miracle cure. The health says her amazing "space syrup" was a gift from the aliens to humankind and that anyone can prepare it from common ingredients.
"This syrup is truly amazing," said Mrs. Ritkiss, who used the medicine to cure her arthritis. "It costs just pennies to make, yet after a few weeks of taking it, your whole physical and mental conditions change for the better. It contains many ingredients that humans use to improve health, but the formula the aliens' advanced sciense has produced, combines these ingredients in a new and different way, and it has a remarkable impact on the body."
"The aliens told me that it affects the electrical energy of the body, reversing negative impulses that bring about diseases and unhealthy emotions. I take a teaspoon every day and I know that it has worked wonders for me. Now the aliens want me to spread the word so that the maximum number of humans will learn about it and use it."
Mrs. Ritkiss, who runs a healing center that offers natural products and New Age cures, says she encountered the aliens last fall while she was working in her office behind the store.
"Seven small green creatures appeared out of the thin air," she said, "and they used their huge, glowing eyes to immobilize me. They appeared in the corner of my office and they seemed very loving and concerned," she recalled. "They told me they had a great affection and respect for humans and wanted to help us with this gift. I couldn't move or speak. I felt like I was dreaming. When I woke up, the spacemen were gone and the recipe was sitting on the desk in front of me."
Mrs Ritkiss says she mixed up a batch of the syrup the next day and because it contained nothing she felt would harm her, she took a teaspoon every day for a month to see what would happen.
"I couldn't believe what it did for me!" she says. "My arthritis is gone, my skin glows, even my teeth and hair are different. I feel like a teenager again. Since then, I have shared the recipe with hundreds of people and it has cured everything - acne, heart disease, depression and even cancer. The syrup is so wonderful, I know I have to tell everybody about it. It's a miracle gift, a token of love from outer space."
Mrs. Ritkiss says she plans to distribute a pamphlet about the space syrup sometime later this year. In the meantime, however, she has provided the formula so people can start enjoying good health right away.
2 tsp. diced fresh garlic 3 Tbs. olive oil 5 Tbs. pure clover honey 1 Tbs. apple cider vinegar 1/2 tsp. cayenne 1/4 ts asafoetida (optional) 1/4 cup strong green tea, freshly made
Saute garlic in olive oil for 1 minute, then add other ingredients. Simmer and cook over low flame for 5 minutes. Let cool. Strain into glass jar. Cover and refrigerate. (Makes enough for a week with one teaspoon a day)
Crunching conundrums, blasting boredom, eliciting criticism, languishing while laughing, blaming poetry (and/or the lack of) for all of my choices, leaving it to the stars or the people better equipped to handle it, cackling at catastrophe and saying sayanora to sourpusses and sore losers