Thursday, February 19, 2009


I stumbled upon this little ditty today.

I love how the last sentence says "may have been triggered by a prescription medication." Hm, wonder which one it was.

Oh come on! EVERYONE knows that when you pop the Ambien the weird prose just starts a-flowin'. Half of this blog has been written after I pop my nightly sleep companion, although I do come back in the morning to puzzle at what I've written and try to salvage it through correcting multiple grammatical and spelling errors.

And Ambien texting? Well, I happen to have a very fresh example, from a friend who's turned into an insomniac and decided to get a prescription, while scoffing at my wild Ambien tales.

Last night, 3:27 am:

"Ambien does not work to keep from going very bad things. Feel better we have been greatly equalized. Just don't make me leave mork."

Wow. And I hope this doesn't mean she TOOK it at work, because she's an ER doc and that would really suck.

I advise you kids that Ambien is a wonderful drug when you need sleep. BUT before you take it:

1. Turn off all electronic devices. Okay, you can keep the lamp on.

2. Turn all cells phones to "off".

3. Make sure your laptop is completely shut down.

4. Do not start listening to nostalgic music that reminds you of someone you needed to forget, nor think that sentimentalities will come across well in your state.

4. If you are going to take a bath, do it BEFORE taking the pill as pretending to be a mermaid underwater may lead to an accidental drowning.

5. Put the warning label about retrograde amnesia EVERYWHERE, because it DOES happen and pretty consistently.

I am not a (raging) alcoholic, and know when to stop before I "black out," but I guess being on Ambien is my black out. Luckily I keep myself locked in my place away from harm (except the time I went on a mini-gardening rampage), but then again the damage of telling someone that you want his children just ONE INNOCENT TIME will come back to haunt you forever. Because he will constantly remind you of it and ask when you're going to start working toward that goal and the whole thing just makes you want to take an Ambien and call him back and fall asleep on him while he's saying something meaningful.

Zolpidem, comme je t'aime!!

1 comment:

Kurt said...

Wow. I sooo need Ambien. I think if I got a text message that awesome I would pass out. Some people call them "side effects", I call them "bonuses".