Friday, November 7, 2008


I've realized recently the source of all my troubles with the bar passee (besides the fact that he was a Classics major, which makes him simultaneously witty and pedantic). It's that we are both looking at this situation very differently. He is looking at it as the beginning of something beautiful, while I regard it as a chance to perfect my witty-flirting-by-text skills. For the next victim.

An example of this cross-purpose is the fact that it recently became apparent that he is placing a whole lot of emphasis on whatever it was I whispered in his ear the night we met. As stated before, I thought it was along the line of satisfying munchies with unhealthy food in the Quarter, but come to think of it, I would probably never be so uncouth. And besides, he wouldn't remember it if it were something so practical.

I'm sure it was something poetic. In fact, I know it was something poetic. And meaningful. I mean, not really meaningful since I really didn't mean it, but with a meaningful air all the same. I'm sure I took a couple of minutes to figure out just the right phrasing and intonation and exactly how closely I would lean into his ear for the desired effect. I know this because, sadly, I'm really good at that. 'Cause I'm a playa, yo.

Unfortunately, I don't know what it is that I said.

This has become a problem of mammoth proportions. We are both litigators, and extremely talented in calling people's bullshit. I should just give it up instead of involving myself in potentially disastruous conversations like the following:

Him: I was just thinking about what you whispered in my ear that night.

Me. Oh. Yeah.

Him: I thought that was really amazing. Where did you come up with that?

Me: Well, I mean, I thought about it you know. Before I whispered it your ear, I thought, you know, that'd be a good thing to say to that guy. And then I said it.

Him: Well, it was precisely what I've always wanted to hear whispered in my ear.

Me: Oh well, I knew that. That's why I whispered that phrase.

Him: You know what part of it I liked best?

Me: (perking up) Yes??

Him: The fact you used alliteration.

Me: Oh. Were there like any other parts? Like particular words or something?

Him: Oh, I like all the words. You should know. You remember what you said, right?

Me: Of course I remember.

I'm so fucked. Or maybe not. This could be a highly efficient way of ending this if things get too serious.

Dat's right, hos. Playa's back.

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