Friday, July 25, 2008


So, here is how my final day of the Louisiana bar exam went. I was awakened at 3am by an urgent throbbing of my bladder which portended a totally unexpected and badly timed UTI. For a brief moment, I actually considered going to the ER. Brief moment because this little ditty pretty much sums up my ER experiences in the past. Except for that time one of my ovaries exploded. But that was in South Korea which has a much better healthcare system.

After laying there awake all night between fruitless trips to the toilet and popping all the cranberry pills in my cabinet, I started thinking about how retarded this whole urination thing is. Maybe we should just sweat more. I live in New Orleans and sweat a lot. Therefore, I do not need a urethra that doubles me over in pain the night before the last day of the biggest test of my life. And all day. As if losing sleep wasn't enough. At least I can blame my bladder for missing any constitutional issues.

My time is far too valuable to waste urinating. It's not like I can do something at the same time. Reading is out. Even flashcarding is out. Just not enough real commitment to the task at hand. Peeing is a chore, and for someone who drinks a lot of fluids in a crowded place with one toilet, a geniune inconvenience. And of course, the lines for the ladies is always too long anyway.

I think peeing being a chore is more the case for women than men. Men that I have seen urinating in my life (images clogging up valuable memory space) seem to lend almost a jovial aspect to their pissing duty. Several I know have a particular fondness for balconies. Women however squat like we are gathering grubs and occasionally manage to leak on ourselves. And forget peeing over balconies since we'd likely fall off in the process. One more gender inequality.

Plus there's the extra time wasted to scrub your hands (twice) and open the door with your sleeve or a paper towel because you just saw someone who didn't wash their hands touch the same handle and you don't want cooties. Actually, I noticed people not washing their hands a lot during the bar. Honestly. It makes me look at people differently when I know they don't wash their hands, just like it makes me look at them differently when I know they're those silly peeps who cover the toilet seat with paper and then leave it on there. I've memorized their faces so in the future I will know to go wash my hands after shaking theirs.

It's too bad I'm not privy to this same info on the male side.


steetoa said...

I cannot imagine anything worse than a UTI popping up before a huge life event, like the bar. Eeek!

I'm with you on the inconvenience of urination, but those kidneys are diligently filtering all the waste out of your blood and making sure the volume and such is good. My suggestion? An ileal conduit. :) You just have to change it.

figment said...

not a dreaded UTI?!?! that's horrible. i just hope the cranberry flushing worked and your symptoms subsided enough to bear it during the test...